Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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