i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
