I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
