so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Boobs are out for the taking
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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