I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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