There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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