Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
