I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
