i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
