I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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