Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
