she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
