Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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