Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
