I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
