LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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