At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
