i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
