TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
