Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
