Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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