he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I intend to get homeless drunk
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
