Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
