i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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