He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
