The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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