i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
