The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
