i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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