this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
