i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
