Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
