Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
