WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
