Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize