He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
