so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
