sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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