I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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