Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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