So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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