This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
