i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
