He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
the raccoons are back...
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