I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
