is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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