DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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