Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Im part way to drunk.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
