this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
