I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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