i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im six kinds of drunk right now
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
