remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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