Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
