It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
