there's paper in my vomit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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