JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
