Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
