My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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