I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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