her vagine was all disorganized.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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