All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
