In the future we'll all be gay
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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