I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
