Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
