I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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