how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
