whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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