Plan B is the new Plan A
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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