maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
