They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
