Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
