He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
