I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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