We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
