If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
