and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
