Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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