u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
