I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize